(Photo Credits: Tabby Wanjiru).
Ten years have passed since my death. I have seen numerous and wonderful innovations being made by mankind. Aah, yes, I have been observing them for long. My family for instance stopped bothering with their annual memorial service dedicated to me. At least with that I felt tied to the living world through them. It’s best if I stayed dead to them.
Numerous times I’ve made trips to heaven, but the stubborn old St. Peter won’t let me in. God you know how much I want a taste of your heavenly pleasures. Musiiiiiic, the angels play lovely music that torment my raging soul. The goddamn old disciple turned saint wont listen to me anyway. They always chased me away. I’m adamant on having my feet step onto the golden road that leads into the heavenly palace where God resides. How did Peter end up becoming a watchman anyway? It’s ridiculous being on the watch while some souls who suffered on earth in the name of preaching good deeds are now resting their bums on some fine couches and drinking alabaster elixir. Must be a boring job for him to become a guard.
“Go away”, he always shouted at me.
“Your name is not in the book of life”. He would always scowl.
“Do not contaminate me with your filth, you belong to hell.” He jeered at me.
“Watchman of heaven. Pathetic, a once great disciple of Jesus ending up as a guard.” Who wronged you anyway? I asked.
I turned my back and went to hell. At least there would be space for my soul to burn in eternity. Flames of sulphuric acid that burned nonstop. Perhaps I’d find peace there? It sent shudders allover my entire soul. I’d prefer freezing in the cold depths of hell other than burning and screaming in pain. I’ve had stories back on earth about the devil who had seven horns and he would devour souls and whip them with his fiery whip. A scary guy he seems to be.
Hell. My name was not in the book of life, nor I’m I amongst the living. Where I’m I supposed to be? I want to be somewhere. Ugly demons. Some looked like the animes I watched back home when I was in my early twenties. The three headed dog Cerberus guarded the entry. Anubis the gate keeper who had a human body and the head of a dog looked at me spitefully.
Anubis: What is it that you want Jake?
Me: Passage to hell. Old watchman from above told me my name wasn’t in his books.
Anubis: What do you have to offer for a safe passage?
Me: Is there even a safe passage? I thought hell was the most dangerous place in the universe.
Anubis: A gold coin for that. Dont waste my time you lost soul.
Me: I offer myself unto thee.
Anubis: An interesting offer, but I would decline. Your soul is not pure. You are tainted.
Me: What do you mean by tainted? Shouldn’t the pure souls reside with the Guy above?
A gust of wind blows. Everyone bowed down. Heavy footsteps could be heard walking into our directions. Wings flapped. Damn. The prince of deceit came in all his glory. He took the shape of a dragon. The winged serpent which had been mentioned in the book of Revelation. One of John’s many visions signalling the end of times.
Devil: Anubis! Do not let his kind in here. He is the soul that brought me havoc. This motherfucker played me. He deceived me. No one ever foul plays me. I’m the father of all lies. The great demon who will wage war against God and his ilk.
Anubis: Master, but aren’t those who are rejected in heaven supposed to be in hell?
Devil: Haven’t you ever wondered why he has been roaming for the last decade? St. Peter got bored and tired of him. He is a Kor. The first of his kind. Half demon half angel. He has all the characteristics as recorded in the past books. It’s an abomination which wasn’t allowed to happen.
Anubis: Let me check his name.
Devil: This idiot sold me half his soul. It was not part of the deal. For riches, fame and power he was supposed to give me his whole soul.
Anubis: His name is not in the book of death either.
Me: It’s not possible. If I’m not in heaven, I’m supposed to be in hell.
Devil: You changed the terms of the contract right before your death. Did they even find your body? You were presumed to be dead.
Me: All I remember was crushing from a high altitude. Then darkness engulfed. I couldn’t open my eyes or see the lights.
Devil: Jake, Jake, Jake, for how long would you fool me? I the anarchist? I gave you everything you ever wished for as a mortal. You never did your end of the bargain boooooy. You are not welcomed here. This is no place for you. How crafty can you be? You killed an angel, violated our agreement, then you come to my place seeking for solace?
I have everything. Money, fame, power, the women. I’m not at peace though. I cant spend the rest of my eternity in eternal flames. How do I break off the contract? No one has ever done it before. Many tried and failed. They got the worst punishment. I’ve risen to the greatest ranks in the brotherhood fraternity. They promise to offer all earthly pleasures and illuminate your path to the afterlife, but it’s all a lie. For what?
I want to amend my ways with the Lord before the devil comes for his deal. I’m too deep in this.
I went to church. Prayed for forgiveness. Asked God to wash away my sins and accept me into his kingdom after my death. I have persecuted and sacrificed many of his kind who preached the word. I have led a stray many from the righteous path.
I created a new religion. I performed miracles. The dark Prince helped me pull such marvelous theatrical tricks. It was a magic show for my amusement. Many believed that I was cleansing them. Mortals. How stupid could they ever get? You were barren? I’d pray for you and get a child. I donated a lot of money. Helped many organization off their bad debts. Children homes were perfect play fields. Sacrifices had to be made. Within a short time my religion had millions of followers. I brought the books from the previous world before Christ to guide them. I was the true deity to them. It felt great being worshiped by people who had no idea on what they had gotten themselves into.
August 8th 2046.
The year I died. I remember it so well. I died from a plane crash. My body was never found. They said I was burnt beyond recognition. A lie it was. The bloody plane crashed and exploded in Iceland. Damn. I hate the cold in that country. I survived the explosion. What killed me was that I froze to death as a blizzard blew across. They never found my body. It was covered in a glacier and it has been roaming ever since. Back home they made a tombstone for me. How touching.
In my final moments. I realized that the ugly guy was jealous of my new religion I had created back then. I robbed him of many souls. It angered him a lot. He couldn’t have his large army as he wanted. I called upon God, asked him to forgive me once more for my blasphemy. I would give my soul away so that the millions of followers could have a taste of eternal life and their names be erased from the book of death.
A wish which was granted. But my soul couldn’t find space in heaven. For that sacrifice my soul got torn into two. One half already belonged in hell and the other in heaven.
It was okay at that time. I shut my eyes and smiled and let the cold numb my blood vessels and every part of my body.
At least the millions have a place in heaven that’s okay with me.
“Neither Hell Nor Heaven accepted my soul.”
My soul shall forever wonder as I look for ways to find a place where I belong to.