Tales Of An Uber Driver.

A few days ago, I was really late and decided to take an uber to my destination. I hate being late and could not stand the nuances of having to deal with the matatu shenanigans on a rainy day. The uber driver who picked me up was a young chap who seemed to be in his mid twenties.

The morning was already grey and traffic was building up quite fast despite us heading towards the opposite flow of traffic. I inquired about his day and told him that he had a nice car. It must have been fun driving it. He was grateful about the remarks. He said that normally not many people really ever cared to ask about his day. He woke up on the comic side of his bed. He told me some of his interesting experiences with clients while on his job.

A lady once requested him to pick her up. She was very adamant that he should arrive within the specified time she had told him. He was okay working under tight schedules. The lady clearly stated that she did not want to wait for ages and end up getting late. He arrived fifteen minutes later only to find the lady in a night dress. He was taken aback. It was 0530 hours. The lady then walked to the drivers side and tapped his window. “Ala, mbona umekuja haraka ivo?” The lady asked. He told her that he was right on time. She then told him, “utaningoja niingie kwa shower tafadhali?

“Did you wait for her?” I asked.

“What could I do? I was frustrated at her last request. All the pressures only to find that she had not prepared herself. Though looking back I always find it comical.” He says.

In another incident, he picked up a certain lady at the airport. Everything about her was classy. She oozed class. She seemed to control the world at her beck and call. From her posture, how she walked, and the aura around her screamed superiority. She had a lot of luggage. When she reached where he had parked his car she asked him why he came with a small Demio.

Hebu imagine client akikuuliza mbona umekuja na Demio ndogo”.

“How do you even begin answering such?” He continues. In his head he silently cursed. He then told her that there was only one type of the Demio new model.

I asked him what he thought of drunk clienteles. The driver said that such lot came with plenty of drama. Some would refuse to pay or the ones showing him the direction would often pass out. He chuckles and goes on to tell me of how last weekend a couple requested to use his services. They got into the backseat and five minutes after they had left town they started making out. Normally, he would adjust his rear view mirror and ignores them. After taking the turn that leads one to Makadara from Bondeni the guy and the lady have a little disagreement. The guy tells the driver to drop him at Buxton and says that the lady would pay for the cab.

The lady tells him to drive towards Bamburi. “Bamburi pande gani?” He asked. “Nkt! Weh enda tu Bamburi.” A few minutes later they are at Nyali Bridge and she blacked out. “Ni wapi madam?” He asked her again. “Baaaamb..uu..rriiii”, she managed to stammer. He chose to drive via the Kisauni route all the way to Bamburi Mwisho. The lady woke up in Bamburi Mwisho screaming, “sasa huku umenipeleka wapi? Nirudishe Magodoroni.” He was livid at this point. He felt like as if the lady had Thanos-snapped the patience out of him. Plus where the heck in the world was Magodoroni? That is one place he never ever wants to go again. He was grateful that the lady paid.

Let’s call him Max (the uber driver). He says he has had his fair share of dramas especially with ladies who make up the most of his clientele percentage. He has gotten a few cases where dudes would almost throw him off the edge when it came to reasoning capabilities. One fine Sunday afternoon when he was idle in his dudu car as he thought about generally nothing, like why the hell would the dashboard get so dusty when he had just made an attempt to clean it, he got a call from a distressed lady. She wanted him to go pick her up urgently. He wasn’t quite far from where she lived. So ten minutes later he arrives at the gate and the guy manning the gate asked him what he came for. He states his reasons and the security guy told him to call her. He called her and asked her what was her apartment number so that he could record the details on the visitors book. The lady asked her why he wanted to know her apartment number. Kwani what did he want to know about where she lived. He was shell shocked. He told her that he was at the gate. She did not show up. He canceled the ride.

Max spots the significant Rick Ross signature style of shave. His fingers tap the steering wheel as we await the traffic lights to change to GREEN. He says the most funniest was when a lady he had interacted with requested him to pick her at circa 0645 hours. He arrived and patiently waited outside. The minutes rolled by from five to ten and eventually half an hour lapsed. He called her and told her that he was waiting.

“Eish, bro I was shocked when she said that she did not call for me, ati it was her baby playing with her phone. Nkamuuliza if the kid knows how to put a destination”. He says a midst laughter.

Nliambiwa kwenda zako.” He laughs more. Then he says he can’t be rude to a client despite how much one would have pissed him much. He had to take the loss regarding this was someone who rated him highly.

“Imagine someone requests your ride, you have fikaad and wait outside. You tell the lass that you have arrived and you are outside. Then after a whole goddamn 15 minutes, she comes out to the passenger’s door and boards the car then she tells him, “enda tu, nimepata lift”. He just prayed to God to give him self control.

One guy left him in stitches. He requested for a ride to town. Upon reaching the locality, he asked him for a landmark so that they could rendezvous.

Him: Kuna landmark apo mahali uko, karibu na wewe?

Client: Niko hapo karibu na lorry iko na ile kitu ya kuzungusha simiti nyuma.

Him: (In his head, #$%^&*).

“It was my first time in such an area. What was I supposed to do? Where do you even begin to look for a lorry with such stuff especially when all the area has unfinished buildings?” He asked.

Some ladies just hangaisha uber drivers unnecessarily especially if they know you on a personal level. Perhaps we should get more encounters and details from them. This might be a reality show with a huge potential waiting to be unlocked.

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