I thought my heart beat for her cause she was the reason. I have been having bouts of insomnia. The loss of sleep is becoming too much. I look like a zombie from the age of Z. At times I hopes she comes back. It’s not that we have broken up but the drift is inevitable. My mind goes on an F1 race every damn time. I want to break the record lap time but to no avail. Perhaps she is the reason why I’m holding back. Im still breathing through whatever we have now, but I’m hopeless now.
Back then, I would climb every mountain, hill, and swim every damn ocean just to make things alright. I would say a thousand and ones apologies even if I was the one on the right. I was obsessed on fixing everything broken so as to have the boat sailing on the ocean. I wanted her to see the reason why I held on so much.
But I’m loosing hope, my hands are shaking. Every morning I would have to take a shot of whiskey just the same way a diabetic person would take a shot of insulin. My heart bleeds to be honest. In a way I need her now, though my pride and frame knows it too well that it would be a wrong move. I wanted someone whom I’d have build something from scratch but it’s just too much.
It’s weighing too much on my soul. The communication isn’t what I thought it’d have been. Getting to let an adult know of their horrible communication ways is exhausting. I wanted to have time with her, to go on vacations and stuff like that before the year closed but that now seems like a far fetched dream.
What’s the whole point of booking a flight to Mocambique and be back on the same day? Don’t you think it’s a waste of money? I wanted a getaway for the weekend with her, just to spend every hour with her. But human circumstances couldn’t let me, and I ended up shelving the whole plan. I took a flight to Eritrea and spent the weekend there. But when I came back, I felt empty. I wanted her to be the reason behind all these tours. But not a single one that I went with her.
I’m tired of running and being ratchet. I want someone I can settle with. A person whom I can go home to after walking a thousand miles. The sound of silence disturbs me a lot. I don’t want to walk in restless dreams all alone.
In the naked light, I want to see her. Not ten thousands of people. What’s the whole point of having a person who talks without speaking? A person who hears without listening? People writing songs that voices would never share? No one dares disturb the sound of silence.
You see people don’t know that silence in a relationship grows like cancer. They ignore words that might teach them. They reject arms that would reach out to them. But instead they would bow and pray to the neon god they made in the form of “kamati”.
It takes two to build something substantial right? The signs will always flash out and the words forming will always be written at the tenement halls. It would whisper the sounds of silence that the relationship is failing.
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