Life is indeed a bittersweet experience! Has it ever been bitchy to you and you probably wish if given the keys, you could reverse things and go back to the day it all went wrong and start all over again? Such thoughts cross your mind from time to time? Well they do especially if you undergoing some turbulence of some sort.
Being a single parent in your mid to late 30’s is even harder. Most people will call you expired. Name calling is not a new thing in such an occurrence. Others would think you are desperate and perhaps do not deserve better. You are bound to be lonely at this juncture. Most will either try to fish you off your hard-earned money in the name of satisfying the fireworks down there.
I am no single parent. But whenever I have the thought of them raising children alone in this economy, single handedly; through blue collar jobs, it is a nightmare. The thought of you losing that job while you have a mortgage, a car loan and children to feed is scary. It gan give you month long migraines. One can easily get mad or depressed. Being a sole provider for everything you own and whatever you have in your life without ever depending on anyone is the only freedom for most single parents out there. Most would shun you away. Others would claim they can’t handle the excess baggage. You and the kids.
This fear only gets manifested in a more menacing manner when you do all the above; read and work extremely hard and start climbing the ladder.
Once up the ladder you are bound to think that; since you have acquired a good position that is well paying, for once you think your burden will easen up. You wake up everyday with a smile, look neat, well dressed and since you are fearfully and wonderfully created, you look like a well cut out personality.
Once you get into the office, some people assume your life is too perfect and make their life a mission to destroy the little you have going on. They think you have everything well arranged. They don’t see that you through challenges like any other human being. They are not happy that you are appreciating yourself and that you try to make the world a better place albeit by taking good care of your family. They are full of malice.
You are tired of meeting bozos. You focus your attention to various dating apps and various dating social media platforms. Tinder, Badoo and the likes and post status updates on the respective dating platforms that you are looking for a mature and responsible character.
The response is underwhelming. The received responses come from those who are in their 20s and 30s who express a desire of being with an older person (which is ok since some are genuine) not knowing that technically you have never quite been young at any time of your life. All you know are responsibilities and taking care of stuff in life. None has ever taken care of you. …and they literally expect you to add them as part of your responsibilities while all you need is a shoulder you can lean on and a voice to tell you it will be ok.
The other type are the jaded older ones looking for submissives, toys and slaves to exercise their egos on not knowing that you are already too shaken up by life you have no more energy left for such! Yet there are those who come and pretend to want the best for you with all the fake and empty promises. Given that they see your pictures in social media holidaying with your children, your flawless lifestyle, your high paying position and you got life together. From this point of view, they assume it’s picture perfect and all they aim at are the meager savings you have managed to save for your children. Little do they know that at times the accounts do go dry and at times you don’t even have on.
Lastly, there are the friends with benefits who are only willing to call you or appear in your life when they are bored, experienced a last minute plan cancellation, or some biological activities and reactions in their anatomy known as calls of nature. Other than that, your responsibilities and struggles remain yours and yours only to keep, but your body is for their sharing and pleasure. Nothing beyond that.
So as the years pass by, the kids grow up and you get older. The responsibilities and struggles continue. The fear of inviting someone in your life only increases and graduates to full blown paranoia when you give some beings a few chances here and there and they turn out to be scammers, sex addicts, gold diggers and sometimes social misfits while all you want is normal and real. Ten years down the line, no person in your life and no sex life at all. But you still hope everyday and hope more that the right person will find you some day.
There are those kind, generous, considerate and understanding souls that take time to show empathy and a word of encouragement once in a while when you are dealing with the pangs of love and living a bittersweet life in the circus you are used to.