Kami No go Kago

Three weeks ago I received a mail from an anonymous lady who had recently purchased my books. At first I thought it was perhaps about the feedback, the whiskey was flowing and I was in a nonchalant spirit. Plus the food from the kitchen smelled good. It was during those ungodly hours where my sleep decided to simply vamoose and there was nothing I could do about it. I never reply to mails at such gad damn hours. But this one piqued my interest. There was a story behind it, she just wanted someone to hear her out. Going by the various stories I had interviewed people, I thought, “why not?”

A second mail sufficed a day after she had sent her previous one asking me if I could peg her story down. She wanted it to be in her own words. I simply replied, “okay coupled with a thumbs up emoji.”

This is her story;

“Hi,

An email at night just sounds off to me but I have to release the weight. I have tried opening up to my siblings but I really don’t know how to blatantly put the words straight when it comes to them. I’m currently on a rollercoaster of emotions and they’re all sad. I might sound a bit tipsy, but I needed to master the courage as I open up to a stranger. I feel like I have a glimpse of who you’re through your works but not an iota in person. Let me not waste time. I won’t send those boring mails that say, “I hope this finds you well in person.”

I found out that infidelity has crept up somewhere. I had speculated it for a while cause my gut feelings were making too much noise. My observant self was not making anything much better. Truth is I found out that mother was riding someone else’s horse whose not dad. The whole idea of marriage that I had embedded in my head just came down crashing. I found the evidence today. It was incriminating in a very loud manner and all angles pointed towards a certain direction.

I’m confused because I just do not know how to react about it. I know mother is a grown ass woman and that she can make choices of her own. She could have been blackmailed for all we know, but for heaven’s sake she is married. I am well aware that her and pop’s marriage is rocky, but still she is a mother to grown adults who understand things but not blind toddlers.

I’m all confused on how I should handle this. My mind has been spinning doing all manner of theatricals. What would you have done? It’s not that I’m happy about it. I don’t know whether to hate her, but truth is I don’t like what she did. I understand her but I do not approve of it yet. I’m too scared of judging my own mother.

Mother runs a small supermarket in the heart of the city. She requested today that I send her some pictures when I visited her at her work place. That was when I saw the randy text and a reminder of her to dispose the evidence. I was shell shocked to be honest. I got curious to be honest and damn jealous at the same time. I mean she was getting stick out there while I was on a very long dry. I had not received premium strokes for a while. It is weird I know.

Later as I dropped her home I did not talk rudely to her but I couldn’t help staring at her. She told me that she longed that her daughter would visit home for a while. There was an awkward silence between us. She then cleared the air by asking me if there was anything weird or any text that had been sent to her during the brief period I had her phone. I told her no. She alighted the car and smiled faintly. I perhaps think she was aware that I knew. She has been glowing lately.

My parents have been on and off for the longest time possible. Their marriage is nothing to write home about. They were set to divorce earlier this year but they’re still holding on. I have heard of things that would take an entire year to put them down. I just don’t know how to walk in these shoes. Knowing that father is an abusive man and mother doesn’t value fidelity anymore. I really don’t know how I’d look at them. I’m not sure of how that would affect my current relationship with the guy I’m having. I don’t want my parents demons to haunt me eternally to the point that would affect my plans. I’m set to get married next year once I complete my Masters.

Do you think I should visit a shrink perhaps Amwadeghu?”

To be honest, I don’t really have the answer to her query.

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