Can I rewind time like a tape? An hour for every cigarette stick I burnt. I have been wheeled along the hospital corridors from time to time. This has been home for the past few months. I’ve heard everything. The walls talk. The cold breeze whispers across hallways and corridors.
Life has been so indefinite. They got me all hooked up to some machines. It feels like I’m underwater submerged like a submarine. I love my family, but I wouldn’t want them to see me struggling. I heard those nurses say that I’m a total wreck. It’ll take a miracle for me to recover. My kidneys and liver are not functioning. The heart’s also headed the same direction. Death and all his friends are by my side. I’ve courted some of them, skirt chased them perhaps. Flirtatious I am.
Everyone’s counting my final moments. Arguments are intense. The euthanasia talks are sickening me. My eyes have been shut for quite a while. Any moment from now they’ll be unplugging me. Soon it’d be your birthday. Dear child I’d miss your birthday. It sucks when you hurt. Be gentle to your mother. Open the gifts I left in your rooms. Yes you can open them.
Sorry, I won’t make it home for the new month. I don’t have the strength anymore to blow you a kiss. Been trying to make a peace sign, but I can’t make one. My hands are getting numb and freezing. I shout but nothing comes out. I cry, yell, shriek but nothing. My voice box deserted me. It’s not loud. It’s quite and cold. I can see you putting your arm around your mother and assuring her that everything would be alright. I thought about the A.G wedding which we would never have. The thought of never seeing my kid in a graduation gown pisses me off.
Fuck, did it have to be this way? I’m torn into two. No more you and me. I’ve got so much in mind that I’d want to put in motion but I don’t have time. She gave me Jordan’s. On my first basketball match. Smile pretty for pictures.
Cherish every moment. Make funny faces. Tour places. I tried keeping his legacy alive and forgot to make my own. Images burn in my brain, whenever I think of you and I, our bodies falling across the couch and bought forth the most beautiful kid. I’ll always love and you’ll be at the back of my memory.
Big brother don’t forget to marry that girl. She is loyal and faithful to you. Keep making me proud, so that my kid someday can look up to you. When you’d be exchanging those vows, and if you’d be blessed to see parenthood, I know you’ll be good at it. Pop’s thanks. You taught me all that I’m not supposed to do. First introduction to whiskey was thanks to you.
Mother, I’d wished we’d have more of those heart to heart honest and open talks for one last moment. I want to see that pretty smile devoid of tears one more time. I walk to my older sister and smile at her. I can see her tears while she’s holding my hand. I can hear a ailent prayer being chanted. I can feel my soul leave my body and float across the room.
The nurses come and lean over the bed. Pulling the tubes out. Sheet over my head, and the room is shut down. My family please don’t get upset. I can see your cheeks soaking wet. I can feel every shudder, cry after cry as you squeeze hold of my neck as you don’t want to let go of me.
My pillow is drenched, emotional comforter it has been to the wrecks. Every second, every minute brings me closer to the angel of death. The gates are open. I don’t know where my soul would end. I hope God forgives me. At this moment of surrender, I can feel my heart begin to beat slow. One beat at a time. Then I breathe slow, and the machine goes (beep, beep, beep).
In Memory Of A Departed Parent.
Forever In Our Hearts, Till We Meet Again.