Previously on 88,000 Acres of Bad Shit.
I’ve been uneasy for the last couple of hours. I could still feel Dr. Artemina’s aura around my room. Her scent and cologne still lingered in the air. Well that is not a concern for now. I’m pretty much concerned about the report she’s about to write. I want to stay a few more days in here, but of course it’d be under my expense. It’s a bit too early to go back to reality. I didn’t want to go back to the emotional and psychological abuse in my own safe haven, but where’d I go? I can’t go home either, it’s not safe. Why do I have to face such a disaster? I should swing by the local brothel and have my loins relieved, I can’t have pressures on two areas.
Sleep was not something I looked forward to. I would get in and out of torturous cycles of nightmares and day dreams. I tried taking pills to ease the paranoia and anxiety, still all shit feels the same. By this time I, Akala Kudzu feels like a certified junkie. I aimlessly paced back and forth in the bloody room. The hospital’s canteen ran out of cigarettes. Good you’re in a drug free zone. Don’t I feel problematic? The thought of being released totally nerve wrecked me. The miniature bottles of whiskey didn’t taste okay. Everything felt so wrong. I ended up getting into bed and everything went black.
9th day in the hospital,……….
I look haggard. It’s much of a pretty day outside by the time my eyes get accustomed to the natural light pouring in my room. There’s a new nurse. She’s pretty, curvy and Lord knows how to bless me with an amazing view, especially when she stands on her toes to pull the blinds. Her derrière is full of life. I hope the other nurses haven’t told her about my shenanigans. It’d be a long day before the report swings in.
“Mr. Akala you have a visitor, she’s in the waiting area.” The pretty nurse said.
Who could that be? At 0900hrs in the morning? I never told anyone about my little vacation in Regalia Memorial Hospital. Not a single goddamned soul. Hell knows that I didn’t fill in my next of kin details.
I sink into an all time new low.
“Should I let her in?” The pretty nurse asked. While I was busy initially assessing her bodily features. I didn’t fail to notice that she had dimples and a little gap in her teeth. A classical case of a patient Casanova.
“Sure. Let her in.” I told the nurse.
Before I could even read the nurse’s name tag or catch a glimpse of it,…. She came in, well her heels sort of announced her arrival way before she appeared through the door. Another figure also walked in. I knew the figure too well. Mother.
Well played, I must say. I don’t know why but I felt like I was caught in between a rock and a hard place. I was tongue tied. Transfixed. I wanted to get and run or jump over the balcony, my body deserted me this time.
“Hi baby” She said with a big smile on her face.
“Hey.” I replied flatly.
“I have missed you darling. You haven’t been home for eight days in a row.” She said. “You don’t look at all pleased in seeing me here, how’s your little vacation going in this godforsaken place?” She enquires.
Meet Nneka Mandy Nnanda the person I’ve been married to traditionally. A whole wide world complex of a prison locked up in the shape of person. And the prison warden. Well that prison warden is none other than mother, Francesca Kudzu.
Mother: I can see that you’re doing well Akala.
Akala: Yes,I was. Up until the time you decided to crash uninvited. So thank you for coming.
Nneka: Honey are you okay? Why did you have to leave and run away? You could have told me you not feeling well.
Akala: So how did both of you locate me?
Mother: Don’t be foolish, you can’t go missing for a whole week and expect us not to notice.
Nneka: I’m sure by now you’ve flirted with every goddamned nurse in this hospital.
Akala: Enough with the stereotyping. What brings you here? If you don’t have any reasons for being here I’m going to kindly ask you to leave.
Nneka: But you flirt with every pair of breasts and skirts within a five yard radius of you.
She really brought her A-game on. Mother has a new phone and dons everything new. Somebody bought her gifts and it seems she sided with her in villifying me.
Well played Nneka.
Mother: Why a hospital of all places? We checked if you had any conditions but your tests are okay. The doctor told us that nothing is wrong with you. You could have picked a nice hotel or go for a long drive.
Akala: With what car? It’s a write off. She slashed my braking lines and I crashed. This daughter of yours that you adore so much would have sent me to an early grave. What’s the whole point of staying in a place where the oppressor oppresses people and enjoys playing victim just because she’s of the fairer sex? Why would I live in prison yet I’m free?
Mother: Don’t speak of her like that. Nneka is a very loving daughter. I saw that you were reluctant in getting married. So I chose her for you.
Akala: You chose her because she becks and calls at every need of yours. Why did papa have to run? Simply cause of your controlling nature.
Nneka: Enough Akala, we came cause we care about you. We’re hear to get you discharged and take you home.
Akala: Home is where the heart is at ease and peace.
Mother: We’ll be checking on your progress everyday. Get well soon. I hope you haven’t lied to any nurse.
I will not lie even if I know that hospital sex is a pipe dream, I still would like to see the pretty nurses naked. Some of them for sexual reasons. Others, well out of curiosity.
Finally,after what felt like eternity,they left. Their bad aura hanged in for a while. I was edgy and abit shifty.
Lines of war had already been drawn. War was hours away from being declared.
Ps: Happy New Year Folks.