Don’t Get Married Before

Let us say you are 25 and above, or rather you hit the above mid 20 crisis. Time to time hints have been thrown around by your folks, uncles, and pals who have walked that path ahead of you. That path of, “unaoa lini?” or “unatuletea mtu lini?” In short they are asking you when are you planning to tie the note. Some parents might be conniving. They would put it in such a way that it would make you think of a family, kids and the likes.

But before jumping into the lifelong union with your partner, there are things that would need a candid 101 conversation between the two of you. The first thing that should be discussed is DEBT, talk about it. Have an in depth knowledge on where you both stand. FULLY and WILLINGLY to be able to commit to one another is paramount before settling down with your significant other. No “I’m not sure” and “what ifs” and “it’s not the right time,” won’t work if you looking for such long term commitments. It is either you both in or out. There is no “Maybe’s” when it comes to such decisions.

Discussion about when/how many kids you will want is important. Would one party want to adopt? What if one is infertile, how would you go about it? Talk about STDs. Get checked with your partner. Seek medical help and get informed professional knowledge from a recognized medical practitioner. Keeping those tests up to date and finding ways to do so even within the marriage will help you know on how your health will be fairing.

What are your 5-10 year timeline regarding career and education? In case of a transfer, can you move? Are you willing to relocate? Or are you willing to hold down the fort and have a centralized place that you can call home?

Perhaps you and your partner may come from different religious backgrounds or denominations. What are your levels of religiosity? Are you both open to growth? And if not, what happens? Would you be okay if your other half lacks the religiosity you sort to have? What religion would the children take? Do you share fundamental core beliefs about life? Such queries are important when having a candid conversation with your partner.

Does anyone of you have Anger management issues? And if so, are you in therapy for it? Or do you take it out on others when pissed off? If either is having anger management issues seek help before it brings destruction to you, the future, and your children.

Energy. Does it match? This you’d have to decide. Follow your gut.

What are your views when it comes to clothing? It may seem like a small problem but such small trivial matters eventually add up. Make sure your expectations match one another to full comfort.

Have you guys discussed about sexual compatibility. I will not go into details on this. Are you guys on the same playing field? What is your willingness and that of your partner in trying out new bedroom gymnastics like? Consent wise? The earlier it is figured out the better. Because everyone likes good sex.

Finances is a key role. How do you intend to split bills once you start living together? Are there gender roles? Does any of you intend to take the parents in during old age?

Does age matter to you? In the experiences you have do you think that it is about the person? What are their world views? If both of you are young, make sure the person you are with will allow you to keep growing at your own pace and in your own way. It is called respect.
Opposite gender boundaries. Set what is okay and what is not okay. Hugs/handshakes/ and the likes. It might sound trivial and trust should be there but you will be surprised when you know what peoples boundaries are. Better to know than not knowing.

How do you perceive social media? People have broken up over it. Some prefer privacy and others do not. Getting on the same page will help you both grow or you will be clowning on one another.

Savings. How much do you all have earned and combined? How much is your intended salaries? Is it sustainable? An apartment, house, or condos? Speak futuristic if it is not something you can afford currently. Get on the same footing with your partner.

How do you define the word “cheating?” What exactly is cheating to you? Do you guys have any entanglements before you tie the note? How do you define your breaks? What are your expectations of the significant other during those breaks? How do you handle breakups in-case shit hits the fan?

It is easy to resort to physical and verbal abuse if one of you is angered. You both need to define what is and isn’t considered abusive language and decorum. In-case one has issues it would be good to seek help. Professionals can always step in.

Death is a part of life that everyone has to go through. What are your dying wishes? Burial proceedings? What if one of you becomes paralyzed? Would you want to be cremated? Do you have God parents who can step in the scenario that both of you lose your parents? How would you handle uncertain events, for example like death of a child? Speak it. Speak on all of it.

Love alone does not keep relationships going. An active commitment to it despite the downfalls is what keeps it going. Once both of you are out of the Fiona-Shrek happily ever after mindset, you will be fine. There are things I have not mentioned simply because they belong in the superficial attributes. None of it matters in the long run.

Want to get married? Address the above, then make peace with whichever answers you will find. All in all I wish the universe grants you peace in whatever outcome you might find.

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