What is a man’s financial gain when dating, courting or even marriage? It’s a question that I have tried to answer for weeks. An elusive question with various answers.
My audience consists of young people mostly. Basically, alot of their monies go to various forms of entertainment. It can vary, from paying bills in the clubs, during dates, or even paying for small luxuries. Some might spend their fortunes in gaming and buying the latest gizmos and tech stuff.
After all this spending, what does one gain? This is one conversation we really need to have.
You are 25 years old. There’s this girl you have been dating for a while it’s been quite serious at this juncture. A pat on the back for that mate. You make some shillings on the side, let’s put a figure to it. Roughly thirty grande a month. Without time wastage you figure that there’s need to invest and save. An old time pal of yours, Ireri told you that his father will lend him money to buy a matatu and some piece of land so that he can invest in some rental houses. He asks if it’s possible to be in partnership with him.
For ten months you have been dating. Totally clue less on what she makes on her end. All you know is that, she shows up on dates, swings by your place and hot sex happens or can I say good, sweet love making? Atleast for that period of time you feel contented with whatever you have.
It takes a while to figure out which ways you’d tell her it’d be tight, cause you need to wekeza pesa with Ireri. She says that she’ll support you. Compliments follow on how much serious you are with life, unlike the other jokers. It’s game to you. A win win situation. A few pinches here and there and save a bit extra than usual.
What ye don’t realise is that, all this is verbal support.
The first month is usually okay. A business plan drafted with Ireri’s help is in place. Every one gets his fair share of the deal. Everything goes smoothly, until she hits you up with, “I need some money babe, I’m a bit strapped”.
” How much”? You ask. She says five grande. “It’s refundable”. She assures you. Money changes from your account to hers. It’s quite a dent on your side. End month arrives and she hasn’t refunded your money. A loss it is. Couple of times in between the month she pulled different vibes. At times she said she was tired of going home, it’s lonely at her place, and her birthday is around the corner.
Which cuase of action to take? A few dates seems okay. Out of town weekends in Watamu, Chale Islands, Lamu, Malindi. A surprise birthday party is also in the works. The urge and need to show her friends that you are the man.
Four months later, Ireri hits you up.He tells you that the matatu is in the garage and he needs your hundred grande to spice up the interior with numerous screens since he is already working on the sound system.
This is a made up scenario that happens so often than not. There are ladies who are open, will support you. Heck even sort some bills here and there. They’ll tell you what they make on their end. I applaud those. Others would say, “your money is our money, and my money is my money”. To be honest if you really feel attacked, kindly stop reading at this point.
The most current situation right now, is that most 27 year old men are left with little to save. The cost of the relationship eats into your main income as well as side incomes. You move in together and still cater for the large bills; rent, shopping, entertainment. No offence, any side can cater for the bills. It shouldn’t be one sided.
Where is the gain in all of these? Let’s take a look at the girl’s side. The girl has saved enough money at this point. She’s in a chama. Some few shares have been bought by her from various organizations. She’s probably researching on some REITS she can buy in.
At this juncture she’ll call you broke. All manner of name callings and verbal abuse might surface up. You are broke to her, yet she didn’t spend a dime on your soul. Apart from the usual socks,ties and anniversary chocolates during your birthday. Still they don’t add up to you. No talk about finances has ever been attempted at this point. She says she can’t date a broke guy. More money is needed. Not for you brother, but more for her.
For seven years that you’ve dated her, what was the gain and significance in your life? Bills? What do you have for show? Loans, mortgage? Yet you want to marry her? With what money?
I’m sorry about all of these. But in the end, they do affect marriages and relationships. If you don’t talk about finances while dating, then neither of you would while married.
If she doesn’t support you now. Then she won’t support you later.
If you aren’t wise with your finances now. You won’t be wise later when you have three kids who need fees, hospital money and pocket money. Observation and experience during such, will contemplate the guy to quit the relationship.An asumption they have on men, is that they don’t get to say, “I’m not happy. I call it quits.”
Generally, this saying opens up a door of manipulation. A form of guilt tripping the dude back into the relationship.
Next cause of action? Being cold or using a soft spot against you. Others turn into ghosting. No texts replied, the calls go unanswered.
Clear skies. Such perfect weather to take someone’s girlfriend for swimming.