Previously on: Belle – 6 – Undecided
Somewhere In Abuja,
Jonathan, I woke up next to Bako. It seems we shared a bed last night after endless copious amounts of alcohol. I am so ashamed of myself currently. I’m not so sure that I could afford to look at your direction. I feel like a harlot Jonah. I love you, but I’m uncertain of last night’s events. Despite Dayo’s earlier warnings of Bako being a serial womanizer, I cannot believe I woke up nude next to him. I have no recollections. All I have is memory blanks, Jonah. But again I cannot tell you this. I am sorry that I was irrational towards you last night when you called. Truth is I felt humiliated that you let a whole grown-ass woman wait. I tend to be impatient at times Jonah. I knew it was a mistake from my side, and I am truly sorry.
I can never tell you about last night’s escapade. It is not my fault if I shagged Bako. You and I kissed at the parking lot. You were hesitant. I understand I am your ex’s friend. I know it doesn’t make any sense as per now. But I want you Jonathan for keeps. I need you for my own selfish reasons. That is the only way I’d have a checkmate against Belle and Ifuoma.
That day at the parking lot Jonah you looked at me like a stranger, yet it was worse. Instead of the bubbly feel, you had towards Belle, you looked at me as a traitor. Yes, your eyes had pity. You were shocked when I told you Belle’s husband Ifuoma was my ex-fiancée. Babe, I never meant to hurt you, nor is it in my heart and mind to bring you anguish. I felt as if all that love I had towards you was a pain. I still do love you and I would do everything in my capacity to cherish you in my heart. Nope, I will make you mine. But you Jonathan are the one thing that has always eluded me.
Such a conniving bastard. You are always a step ahead of me. You disarm me each time I’m standing next to you. You felt pain when you heard that Belle was getting married. That pain turned into fear, and fear sowed the hatred strong enough to shut the whole crew out. It broke everyone when we learned that you know longer wanted to be associated with us. Perhaps that is the way the world revolves around. Strong hate to break a strong love, to erect walls, and set up artilleries just to protect thyself. But I do not want this to be us, Jonah, It cannot be the end to our beautiful beginning.
I know at the current moment I am not in a position to discern what is right or wrong. I feel I have cheated on you babe. In this first encounter I let my desires come before my thoughts. I have a question about you Jonathan. Can we build love together from a fragment of a kiss we shared? A seed that might grow into a new relationship? A friendship that would heal both of our broken hearts? I still see you who you are. I know the person you were to me. I know you hurt and I’m sorry, truly; yet there has to be a part of you knows that I hurt also.
If you can be softer Jonah my love, I can be too – I will take down some of these walls. A single brick at a time. To trust where the damn trust was shattered is far from easy. You have never been the type to trust easily. I can always that someone has to earn your trust. Be patient with me. I know it is ironic.
This whole loving thing is new to me Jonathan as it is to you. I have not trodden down this path since I last parted ways with Ifuoma. It is a path twisting out of sight. Take thy hand Jonah abi. Though we both do not know the way, you can always lead, figuring it out just one step at a time. Maybe the new landscape will be something beautiful. Perhaps that is what we will make of it.
Jonathan don’t you think it is time to walk together once more? Just like the days when we used to live in Port Harcourt?