(I wrote this novella story for the better first half of last year and put it on hold for a number of reasons. The book is almost complete, just a few touches and it will be available to the public. I intend to release it before the second month of the year. Happy new year to our first post of the year).
Previously on Belle: Belle-11-Fire-on-Fire/
The way I remember it is that you began to fade. Your availability was less and I had given up on any prospects of whatever situation ship I had on Jonathan. You became less transparent when I decided to give you a chance. You became distant when I told you that I was heavy for you. Every time I asked if things were going haywire, you’d say that everything is okay. You got mad when I refused to move in with you. To be honest, I felt that it was really too soon. You would always say that you would call later but that was not the case. Then the worst happened. I slipped and fell while I was coming out of the shower. A miscarriage soon followed. You were not enthusiastic when I told you that I had lost the six month pregnancy.
All of our emotional anatomies popped up. It was not a beautiful site. It was ugly. Our fears and traumas found their way in whenever we had a disagreement. The silent treatment, lack of clarity, and avoidance were triggers that pushed those buttons. I felt devastated with you. I resented you for dropping your seeds deep inside me. Taking care of the child was never an issue Bako. You sold me a handicapped image of love only to later on withdraw from it. Your obsession with me soon vanished. The reality dawned on me that you were only in this for the money and the status it gave you. Your businesses were flourishing because of my connections. I am tired of standing in ‘no man’s land’ Bako. It’s not fair.You see loss is shapeless, has no shame, and it is awfully heavy. The loss of my unborn child and you pushed me back to my reality that I was fathomed to. I’m ending this between us. I want this to be over and done. I want to go back to Jonathan. I’d rather stay with the pain of him not accepting me rather than be with you. I have never gotten over the fact that he would always be a step a head of me. I wonder where he is right now.
Betrayal is bitter. Ever since we came back from our honeymoon Belle hasn’t had the time to be with me. She is available physically but not emotionally. She would conjure up every excuse so as not to fulfill her roles as my wife. There was a time she went to Lagos. Ever since then she has been different. I long for Zuhrah’s touch. I still feel something towards her. I never told Belle that I met with Zuhrah. The nights spent with her were every worth of the unforgiving minute. We both loathe our partners.
I want Zuhrah to bare my children. I know they would be illegitimate children but I would do my best to ensure that they are well brought up. There is the other issue that I cannot wrap my head around Rosemary’s and Belle’s fragile friendship. They seem to be in a constant competition. I understand that they had an affinity for some guy named Jonathan. I’m sure he was the guy that Rosemary showed up with. What does the guy have that I don’t?
Everything I had planned is going to the pits. The child would have tied us together. Through the child I would be a beneficiary of Rosemary’s vast estate. I would bond with the child in every possible manner. Instead, I did the opposite. I distanced myself from her. Working away in different cities for long periods of time. The distance led me into the arms of other women. Countless women that I could not remember their names. Her obsessed nature towards Jonathan was also a major factor.
I thought if I bagged her, then everything would be a smooth sail. I manipulated my way into a relationship but it seemed that relationships were never my strongholds. A breakup is inevitable. If only I can make her pregnant again then things would move in the direction I want.
I spend every moment I get with him. I want a divorce from my husband so that I can go back to Jonah. He makes me feel complete like a woman. His businesses are expanding. He is establishing himself in a very subtle manner. The only issue is that he is reluctant to move away from home. But that has brought friction numerous times. I have been wanting a divorce already six months into my marriage. I do not feel Ifuoma at all. We had a major fight when he discovered that I was on contraceptives.
I’m not yet ready to have a child with him. I want the father to the fruit of my womb be Jonah. It’s a long shot I know but I have to do something about it. My mother in-law on the other hand is asking when I’ll start having kids.
I wonder why I got married to Ifuoma in the first place. Was it all to spite Jonathan?
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