Sometime back I visited a friend. Us taking that journey was not only an act of visitation but also an act of mourning. Our pal had lost his father. When we arrived he hugged us and said nothing. He turned his gaze away from us and held his head down for some minutes. He then hugged us again. Losing your father as a man is painful.
In every boy, man, and someone transitioning through the stages of manhood, there is a dream to spoil for them to spoil their parents. Because most boys understand and express love through provision. So when you lose a parent before you are financial stable enough to spoil them or reciprocate the favor back, you not only lose one of their presence, but also lose an opportunity to show them love.
It is due to this reason that the death of a parent hits different when you are in your twenties. You are not yet stable enough to spoil them. It feels like you failed them because all your pops or mother lived and died doing is looking after you guys. They will never get to just be and simply enjoy life.
A good job or business, and a nice car. You will be on the road hitting the tarmac then you will see your peers opening the door for their old mother or father, and you will try hard not to break down. You should have gotten the opportunity to spoil your father too. To tell him “asante sana,” only way you know how to with gifts and treats. But he is no more.
I understand the grief in one’s twenties. Take heart. It does not get any better at all. You will always find something that will invoke a reminder of your loss. Trust me, the world will see it. But you have to get stronger. It will hurt just as much, but will only last fewer minutes each day. Stay strong.