3 Kings

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I am sitted with two of my cousin brothers right now. For heavens sake we talk of business, women, money, deals, shady deals you can think of in a shady dingy pub in downtown River road area. But this day we talking about life. As they would say “Kitu safi ya ocha ,ama maozo ya town?”. Yes they talk shitty about women. Ofcourse we all well built with our side hustles. Yes that is enough to make us live into our old age without necessarily worrying about NHIF and bloody NSSF.

One of the kings usually scratches his back with some bloody opener. You know like when you go back to your folks house and  you know thats your pops favorite seat or couch? Yes leave this King with his opener shit we know there goes his back,……. Scratch, scratch, scratch,…. And in a light bulb of momentum words of wisdom comes through. So for the words of wisdom we have to get him any opener around.

The second king,….well he was a junkie. A good a junkie to be precise. He used to do his miraa if anything goes by the Kenyan slang. Yes the king had a princess. He transformed. Like God said in John 3:16, well I’ll let you read for your own sake, ain’t know bloody Bible shenanigan. But yes, the king loves his princes. He forsaked his worldy earthly pleasures just to be with his own daughter. ” aaaawwwww, that sounds sweet”, thats what most Nairobian dames would say, but ofcourse the last king came. “The colourless king”. As they said. The previous colourless king came on a different matter. Well he was a different version of Solomon.

The third king, well,……God knows maybe something was wrong  with the ninja. Perhaps he was a black dynamite. A small time hero. But you never know. So here he is the third king, puffing his lungs away with the first king. All the kings are bloody related, but all are bloody different in a way. They live a commoners life. Ofcourse they catch up for some booze every Friday evening.

So one day shit happens

King 1: Yow i need to go see grandpa, “motherfucker scratches his back”

King 2: Ssup been a while since we went to grands up the hill,…. We the only ones with  mortal bodies who can fikaaa up there without any qualms.

King 3: “Yow idiots,…got any booze”? Shit y’all know can’t function without booze”? Get what I’m saying???

King 1: “Yow grandpa might get angry”…… Get some respect young one.

King 2: Let him be, but it’s a heavens trip, it happens once a jubilee lifetime.

King 3: “Ain’t no worries about that, i know grandpa and pops have a party lit up abeg”, lets go

They summon some taxify guy,…hell, he gives you a ride to heaven with fiery wheels. You might think you are Elijah. Going to heaven with some sport toyota fielder version. We go to heaven third kings pops is there with his bro, and they be like, we should give this this ninjas some elixir.

So Grandpa deity pops said,…” Ninjas are mortals no need to damage with immortality “,………then he said, ” Go Preach! Tell them Immortality is real”. Ofcourse the three kings wondered. What are these fucks talking about?

Yeah fast forward 3 years later. The second king has a Princess right now. The other kings well, lousy as fuck they still fuck mortals but no demi gods. Yes our queens,……well mothers of Kings to precise are well used to their childrens shenanigans. They often get queries like,. “When are we getting a new queen”?, or “When is that baby bump popping”? But again we know it’s never inevitable.

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