The Other Side


My family recently relocated to a new place. This was after the government decided to show up with huge yellow ugly caterpillars one early morning and decided to bring the old houses down. The house we currently live in is literally big and cosy. The peeps around look bourgeois. Our previous place was lively and had a buzz of different cultures and activities. Everyone keeps to themselves in these sides. A few boys and men have literally tried to catch my sister’s attention and I, but none seem to quite tick the boxes. They sure do look foolish with all the attempts and all they’re met with is silence. There’s a guy who stands out completely different from the rest.

God knows how much time he took to create that fine piece of art. And that guy knows that he looks good. There is this cologne he wears. It’s like it signals his arrival. The heavens know how much that guy feels a lot for himself. He rarely says Hi, and if he does it’s just a simple wave and bye. Most times he’s usually on the phone.

I hope one day he looks at me and says Hi, though I’d die if I ask him out for a drink and he declines. I don’t think I’d have the guts to look at him after he has rejected me. No need to, his caliber doesn’t walk nor talk to people like us. It’s even hard spotting him. He’s ever on the move.


With flats springing up on almost every corner, I no longer have privacy anymore. Peoples from all walks of life have come to destroy the balance. There are kids running around everywhere. Plenty of times I have found my car scratched by the damn braggarts. Sigh. I can’t even have my open grilled BBQ without guys peeping from above. It was peaceful back then but currently it’s just too noisy. The college students have made it worse with their random house parties that know no day nor time. Twice I have called the cops on them for disturbing the peace, and twice I found my side mirrors gone. We never had theft incidents.


I found someone who loves me plus my child. I had to make him wait before he had a taste of the sweetness below. I’m a bad person for having to make him wait all that while. But I’m currently getting jealous. Lately he has been talking to other women. The new crop of women that has been flocking our residential area. Guys are no longer interested in us. Perhaps they’re tired of the bull load game we give them. The home pub that we usually frequent after a long week of working has been overrun by kids, I think it’s time that the old guard should look for a new watering hole. It’s sad that I can longer enjoy my beer while listening to Rhumba.


Today I discovered that I am pregnant. My office boyfriend thinks it is his. My fiancée is in Latvia making that money so that he’d come and state his case to my people. I honestly feel sad for him. The father of this baby is some randy Congolese musician I met while I was working in Lusaka. Probabilities of him settling down is close to zero. My husband would be jetting in three days from now. God will have to forgive me for the atrocities I’m about to commit. It was only a matter of time before this happened. I do not regret anything at all.


This girl I went with on a date headed to the washrooms and never came back. It’s okay. It’s the cheapest date I have ever been to. I was planning to drop her off somewhere but it’s all good. At least she’s saved both of us some dignity of not having to ask each other weird questions. I have been a dick throughout the entire date. Perhaps she doesn’t like that I have few strands of silver chrome hair here and there. She looked different than her gram account. She looked like she was in her late twenties. But damn! The one who showed up looked eighteen straight out of high school. Aiii, come on, what was I to do with that one surely?


Vaati recently added me to this whatsapp group that was organizing her birthday slated to happen this weekend. Guys were to come with a bottle of whiskey, rum, or vodka. Not this cheap cheap counterfeit mzingastes they sell around. Sigh it’s even hard to notice that some of them are counterfeit. As other guys debated on what they’d bring there’s a certain guy who just sent a picture of bread, Konyagi, and Smirnoff tripple distilled vodka. Neither a Hi, nor Hello. The audacity! And then turned the tides to his favor. He’s witty, mischievous, and mysterious. It seems he’s friends with Ashna. Cause Ashna calls him by his official name. Yesterday he slid to my dm. And the conversation was smooth.

He is a ball of many things. I could tell from his talk that he was leagues way ahead of me intellectually. And I get turned on by guys who challenge me. Funny thing was that he never asked for my pictures like other guys normally do. How the conversation ended up to AI, teleportation, and rendering of animes I have never understood. Worst part is that he left me hanging. I wanted more. I want him for myself. Let the games begin. I really hope he comes to Vaati’s birthday party.

NB: Let me tell you this, you don’t have to go on a date with someone you’ve just matched with on Tinder or Badoo. Chances are it’s going to suck. Do this, instead buy a book. It doesn’t have filters on social media. Amwadeghu Blog is now also accepting support from M-Pesa. 5338319 is the till number. Whichever the amount will be gladly appreciated to keep this space running. You can also purchase 88,000 Acres of Bad Shit & Boonies from or pay via the above till number also. Bring out the tambourines, and the ukeleles, it’s going to be a mad one out here.

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