Life for Rent

I remember someone said that the true funeral starts in the evening, when the body is underground, everyone has left, and the homestead remains silent. That is when enormity hits hard. There is a certain pain that cuts across when the coffin is lowered, then the covering, followed by that thud on the coffin or iron sheets covering it. Pure pain and madness proceeded by a long dark night.

The loss, heartbreak, sorrow, and the devastation that follows usually is overwhelming. And it never goes away. Only someone who goes through this understands. A piece of you goes to the ground permanent permanently. It’s shredded forever.

The soil part is where you know that that would be the last time you’ll ever see the body again. I usually say that’s when you touch grief at its core. Days, weeks, months, and years would pass after, but still you’d try to comprehend what happened. The worst part is that one never gets over it fully. True. And we don’t blame them for leaving, life has got to go on for our friends, neighbors, and the extended family at large.

That silence in the evening ushers in the real grieving process. A vacuum in our hearts, home in the shape of our beloved whose never coming back. Then the calls stop. The visits stop. Life just stops. Even when the days get better or lighter, life is never the same. A part of you dies and never comes back. Maybe this life we living is truly rented. A life for rent. But I believe death must one day die too.

I wish I could fix it, I wish I could know what to say. But during these past two weeks everything feels rushed. I don’t know how not to feel that way. Everyone is reaching for reasons as to why you passed on through the veil. Perhaps everyone is spending too much time on what they used to be with you uncle. Are we perhaps making too much details on the memories? Have we got caught up on the fact that you no more? Well we’re hoping not, cause out of sight doesn’t mean out of mind. Not in your space, because you’re still in ours.

Well time is friends with distance, but they’re not a friend of ours. And it’s fine cause you still live among us uncle Dan.

To your brothers, sons, daughters, wife, and sisters if they need me I’ll be right there during this time when they’re scared and also in times of happiness.
I remember Lily asking me if I’d write a tribute, but I couldn’t at that time. Emotions were overwhelming. But this is the least I could do.

I’ll be by their side even when I’m not next to them. This is my tribute towards you, and thank you for believing in me. Rest In Power Uncle Duncan. In God We Trust.

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